Frenemies...

Two days ago, during a typical blah afternoon, I found myself listening to a recent podcast of ‘This American Life’. The theme: Frenemies.

A ‘frenemy friendship’ is hard to define. This may be due to the fact that so many (if not all) human relationships are so very different and completely incomparable. Yet, I find myself wondering if I, myself, have frenemies. In my own experience, frenemies come in all shapes and sizes. They are….that girl you drunkenly met once who is always oh-so-EXCITED to see you, the girl who loves to tell you all the details when she sleeps with the boy you like (and she knows it), and that boy who keeps you at his beck and call, who’s all talk, and not very much action.

Recently, in a moment of self-reflection, I pondered the fact that I seem to fall out with a great deal of people. We’re not talking about a simple difference of opinion, or an argument over the most mundane points of everyday life. It’s the moment when you realise that someone who was once a great friend to you is no longer a part of your life. In my case, these situations sprang from situations which grew progressively worse over a long period of time. Irreparable disputes over matters of morality. This type of moral disagreement is really an insurmountable object in terms of reconciliation. After a great deal of thought, I began to wonder if the problem was, in fact, myself. Perhaps it was. Although, I like to think otherwise (as anyone else would).

I’ve been told that as you grow older, you begin to lose friends. Not in the sense that people no longer like you, but instead a kind of amicable ‘drift’ where on separates the wheat from the chaff. Perhaps we grow less tolerant, less eager to please and less in need of others to please us. Whatever the case, one can easily distinguish between those who matter to you, and those who, frankly, do not.
Brutal as it may sound, this is the unfortunate reality of friendships. Even as young as we are now, I see myself deciding to take a step back from certain people. People I once enjoyed the company of, albeit in short doses.

These past few years, I feel my attitudes on friendships have transformed. At the age of 18 or 19, I was eager to make peace as soon as possible to avoid an awkward situation. Perhaps there was more at stake – no one wants to live in a place filled with an ambiance of animosity. However, this past year, I’ve found myself cutting ties with certain people who played a negative role in my life. Again, this is a difficult thing to do, and certainly doesn’t stem from any malice. In my metaphorical bowl of fruit, if an orange turns sour I throw it out. I do the same with people – although not quite so violently of course.

Likewise, I have thought carefully about the men in my life. Yes, it’s nice when he tells you he really wants to see you again. But when the endless promises don’t match up to reality, you know you have to call it a day. (I could be clever here and come up with another term like ‘Menemies’…but I won’t)

Frenemies are the kind of people we can all do with out. I feel like I’ve carried out an act of Feng Shui on my social life and it’s a pretty triumphant feeling. Even if the rest of my life is a mess…..