"Really?" I hear you ask. Yes, actually. For me, there is something thrilling about an addiction, especially if your substance abuse problem concerns a person, not a drug.
No, what I'm talking about is the absolute frustration, the all-consuming, mind-plaguing, adrenaline-rushing crush that I have not been able to shake off for one whole year. It sounds pathetic -- believe me, I'm fully aware of that. But this particular addiction haunts me. I do want to get over it, stop the perpetual obsessing. But, I enjoy my addiction. Perhaps I don't enjoy it all the time, particularly that moment when concentration is paramount, but the thought of him naked just takes you away to an oh-so-wonderful place. In all honesty, the beauty of the addiction lies in the hope that it will lead to something good, something worthwhile. Otherwise the crush ceases to be thrilling, but turns into despair, and empty obsession tainted with its own unrequitedness. I detest my own impatience concerning this crush, the desire for something to happen IMMEDIATELY, without further ado. I want it NOW. And, this just leads to more frustration, more questioning "does he like me?". Perhaps I will never know the answer to that question...but isn't it nice to wonder?
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